No Baby? No Wedding Ring Yet? Cheers To You

An Ode to the Friend Without

This post goes out to all the ladies in a group of friends who do not have their own children, car, and/or significant other.

Being the person without any of those things or rites of passage can drum up all kinds of emotions like envy or motivation.

We previously discussed ways to avoid FOMO caused by social media, but when you’re slapped in the face on a daily basis that you are without, it can get to you and possibly ruin relationships in your life.

Sometimes having a car, children or significant other are not always what they’re cracked up to be.

Car
Having a car to get around on your own and on your own time is great. It gives you a sense of independence, but it also gives you a gradual headache without you even realizing its happening.

The headache starts off slow as you’re sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic and pedestrians are walking faster than your car is moving. During those moments, not only are you wasting gas, you begin to realize that you could have reached your destination faster by public transportation.

The pain grows across your temples from time to time when you have to do the parking hunt when you don’t have the privilege of a designating parking spot.

There’s nothing worse than parking blocks away from your home after a long day of work or hanging out late and still have to get up early to avoid getting a ticket because you had to park in the alternate-side parking zone.

The excitement of having a car can drive you to want to take everyone everywhere. Everyone from your momma to your friends starts to always include you in all the plans because it’s a guaranteed ride from point A to B to C. But, with a car, comes responsibility that cost quite a few coins. When a flat tire happens, the car needs an oil change or the insurance needs to get paid where are those passengers to put in for the bills?

A car can become frustrating if you allow it to be. So if you’re the friend without the car, only get one if it makes sense for your lifestyle.

Significant Other
It’s really nice to have someone to go to the movies, dinner, events, live with, take ussies, be your biggest cheerleader and spend the rest of your lives with. Nonetheless, when allowing another person into your life, it takes work, but the effort to make it work doesn’t have to be difficult.

Communication is key to make any relationship work. If you want to go back to school, move out of state, purchase a home or quit your job these are just some life-changing decisions you have to discuss with your partner before going forward with your plans. It would be selfish if you make those types of moves on your own and your partner is the last to hear about it.

On the flip side, it can be quite frustrating that you have to consult with someone else to make a decision about your own life. This is something single people do not have to deal with. When you are single, you can do every and anything on your own time and handle the consequences without taking anyone else with you. So if you want to do good or bad in life by yourself, then do you boo. Do you!

Children
This is a touchy one. Full disclosure, I do not have any children and spoke to several women about their feelings about being the woman without children in their group of friends.

Every year that passes when you’re a woman over the age of 30 and you don’t have a child, some gynecologists feel obligated to give their patient “the talk” about her reproductive cycle. Depending on the patient, a doctor may say that her clock is ticking or her options to conceive are limited because of other reasons. Ahem, doc! Maybe, she just doesn’t want to have any kids, ever!

Studies have shown that more women in the United States are putting off having children until their late 30s or early 40s because of their career and/or the ability to afford childcare once the little one is born. But, the reality is the longer women wait, the chances decrease unless she can afford to freeze her eggs — that’s for another article — have that Janet Jackson money or hire a surrogate.

In the meantime, there’s no handbook to prepare you for the challenges of being the friend without kids. There are no more spontaneous ladies nights, road trips, weeknight dinners, phone calls after 8 p.m., or even a quick run to the mall. Playtime is over and it sucks, but guess how the new mom feels?

As the friend without children, it’s important to try to maintain the friendship to the best of your ability by simply planning ahead and doing more meetups that will keep your mommy friend engaged with their individuality. It also will help to include the little one too whenever a babysitter or her significant other isn’t available.

There’s nothing worse than making your mommy friend feel left out, but that also doesn’t mean you, as the friend without children, should turn down either. Always extend the invitation and if they cannot make it, you should still go.

This may seem like too much for one to take on, but like maintaining a relationship it also takes work to keep a friendship alive. It also should not have to be on the friend without children’s responsibility to upkeep the friendship. In some cases, the friendship may need a timeout until both parties can find a common ground again. No hard feelings.

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