I Got Through Divorce And You Can Too

For most couples who decide to get married, they don’t plan to divorce in between cake tastings.

Those who choose to get engaged when they’re at the top of their careers banking six, seven and eight figures might have a lawyer on speed dial to draft up a prenuptial agreement before the proposal even happens.

Better known as a “prenup,” according to Merriam Webster, it is an agreement made between two people before marrying that establishes rights to property and support in the event of divorce or death.

The thing is, you don’t have to make above a middle-class salary to have a prenup. Shoot, you worked hard to buy that 2018 Honda and no one should take that from you if things don’t work out in your marriage for whatever reason.

I wish I knew this information before saying “I do.”

The moment I realized I was the only one fighting for the marriage to get passed HIM cheating, I felt lost, embarrassed, depressed, alone and like a failure.

Those were — what I thought — the worse moments of my life. I became unrecognizable to my family and friends by trying to hide that I was going through this. I was out of my marital home and back at my mother’s house, uncertain of my future without him.

A 14-year relationship including three years of marriage, down the drain.

But, it was actually Candace, 32 Letter’s EIC, who snapped me out of the shame and put a brand new battery in my back. I may have felt like that then, but 53% of marriages in New York state end in divorce, according to James Sexton, practicing divorce attorney.

I took charge.

My friends in the legal community put me in touch with a veteran divorce lawyer who gave me my first lesson if I ever decide to get married again:

Before jumping the broom, look up the laws of the county and state you live in.

New York State is one of many states that gives uncontested divorces, meaning both parties agree to dissolve the marriage and not go to court to fight over anything.

This was the golden nugget I needed to obtain. See ladies, I was the breadwinner and even though he selfishly stepped out of the marriage to become captain save-a-whore, if he contested the divorce I could of ended up paying him alimony. Learning that was another stab to my heart from him.

My anger grew, but my lawyer skillfully guided me on how to talk to him in order to get what I needed.

How unfair?! As much as I wanted him to pay for not dealing with his self-esteem issues like an adult, I was facing losing everything and being bound to him for who knows how long. Imagine if we had a kid, ugh, it would of been worse.

I just wanted a clean break and erase the last 14 years of my life.

After painfully curbing him for a month as I went to couples therapy alone, I had to swallow my pride, give him strict instructions on how to sign and send the documents back to my lawyer. To this day, he has no idea that he could of plotted with his dry biscuit to be malicious and screw me financially.

Once the documents were filed, I reclaimed my original reporter’s byline, took off my wedding band and promised him that he’ll never lay eyes on me again.

About six months and $8500 later, it was over. I felt that at 31-years-old I let the titles divorced, childless and damaged goods define me. All my accomplishments, friends, family and even men trying to holla couldn’t make me feel different.

I put a smile on and although I felt my lowest, my therapist helped me see the brighter side of things that I could not see past the 6-foot cloud in front of me.

I now travel abroad and anywhere in the country alone, purchased my first home, earned my second journalism award and learned that I am a pretty awesome chica. Almost two years later, I can now say getting divorced was the best decision I made and my next husband will be my equal, not lesser than.

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