Maternity Diaries: Please Don’t Kill My Vibe

Ever wish you had someone to tell you what pregnancy was like before and while going through it? In this weekly column, we check in with a pregnant contributor — who’s previously suffered loss. She’ll take us along a journey of endless doctor’s appointments and questions from the outside world — all while keeping it a secret until she’s ready. Follow her journey of highs and lows during this special time. Her name? That’s to be revealed in due time.

So, last week I told you all about my experience with hormonal “changes” and how I TRY to deal with the rollercoaster of emotions that pregnancy can take you though.

But what about when it’s other people causing you unnecessary stress?

Co-workers, significant others, family, even strangers make me wonder if there is a place that pregnant women can go to hide from unnecessary stressors that people can cause? No? Ughh!

4 more months left to go!

I don’t know what it is about a growing fetus that makes people say and do the dumbest things around you, but it seems like the bigger I get, the more it occurs.

I realize that my mindfulness practices are going to have to extend wayyyyy beyond my household because umm … people will make you go “cray” if you let them.

Work is hard enough having to drag all of what feels like a thousand pounds out of bed to get there, but when you throw in that obnoxious co-worker who tries to be overly involved in your life and doesn’t take your eye rolls and deep sighs as an indication that you don’t really want to be bothered. What do you do?

Usually, I am very cordial and don’t mind socializing with my peers at work, but lately … I’m just not that into it. It would be different if I didn’t get the series of uncomfortable stares or awkward smiles from people who look like they want to talk about my sprouting baby bump.

Now, it feels like the people who do know I’m expecting think we’re suddenly friends and have even tried to rub my belly. First of all, NO second of all … just NO!

What makes random people feel like that’s okay? I’ll never know nor understand. Each person is different.

If you know someone who’s expecting, don’t just assume that it’s okay to rub their stomach. After all, it’s attached to a human being who is carrying another human being and sometimes it’s just weird.

Another thing, I always appreciate receiving advice and I know I still have a lot to learn. Still, ladies and gentlemen — telling a pregnant woman about your pregnancy horror stories while with child it’s just NOT the thing to do. I don’t know if people are just mean-spirited or delusional but telling me how you lost your baby is just not something that I want to hear right now.

You never know what someone is going through and normally I would love to be an ear for those who have suffered such a heartbreaking loss. I’ve been there myself, but that’s just not where I want to be mentally right now. Maintaining positive vibes is crucial, so if you don’t have anything good to say it’s fine to say nothing. I’m sure I’m not the only one who can appreciate that.

I know you can never truly be mindful of some behaviors until you either experience it or see it for yourself first hand. I just wish people would find it in them to empathize. You may have never been pregnant or suffered a loss, but sometimes a little censorship and consideration can go a long way. I know this is an exciting time even if you’re not directly involved, but I think respecting people’s privacy and space would make a huge difference in the human experience. You never know what someone has gone through.

Sending love and positive energy (even if from a far) … is a priceless gesture.