Maternity Diaries: Please Accept My Apology for My Pregnancy Rage

Maternity Diaries

Ever wish you had someone to tell you what pregnancy was like before and while going through it? In this weekly column, we check in with a pregnant contributor — who’s previously suffered loss. She’ll take us along a journey of endless doctor’s appointments and questions from the outside world — all while keeping it a secret until she’s ready. Follow her journey of highs and lows during this special time. Her name? That’s to be revealed in due time.

This is supposed to be the time when you and your partner are so in love, everything feels like roses and butterflies. It’s a feeling that’s similar to when you both said, “I love you” for the first time, right? Wrong!

Since day one, my emotions have been on a rollercoaster. My highs have been “I love you so much, I can’t believe we’re about to be parents” and the lows are “OMG I can’t stand you, you even blink annoyingly.”

I first noticed that my partner was suffering from a case of “I live with Pregnant-Zilla” when I cried and yelled at him for a joke that I’d usually find to be knee-slappingly hilarious.

What’s going on with me? I don’t hate him…do I? Why does everything get under my skin?

Well, I’ll start by saying this — it’s completely normal. The daily changes, in combination with the spike in estrogen, progesterone and other amounts of hormones the body produces, has my poor little emotions going haywire.

God bless everyone who has to deal with these changes. I, too, sometimes feel horrible about my behavior, but God knows I can’t help it.

RELATED: How I found the perfect doctor for my high-risk pregnancy 

I don’t want my relationship to take a turn for the worst, but what is a pregnant girl to do? Lately, since I’ve noticed a change in my attitude and my family has been low-key avoiding me, I decide to talk to my doctor. I also researched techniques that I could use in the midst of a pregnancy rage.

Meditation is too hard for me since I am unable to master quieting my mind, so I decided to try putting on relaxing music and try to stay really still.

I found some really good stations to stream and I put them on when I feel my temper flaring or if I can’t sleep. Now that I am out of the dreadful “every scent makes me sick stage” I can finally take advantage of the air vaporizer that has been sitting in the closet for months. I fill it with lavender and other relaxing scents and let the sweet essence that fills the room put me at ease.

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I am still on the hunt for more relaxation techniques, but for now, I am just trying mindfulness and positivity.

I know everyone is aware of the pregnancy mood swings that women experience, but I don’t want that to have a negative impact on the baby. We’re already connected and they can feel it all. So, while I know sometimes cursing someone out can be gratifying, I recommend trying some of the techniques that I am trying.

Please, let’s try not to scare everyone off during the times when we need them most. Your loved ones may understand, but they have feelings too and we can’t neglect that.

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